Meds Meds and More meds

Tomorrow is our first of 2 inseminations. I am nervous, excited, and everything else you can imagine. I made 11 eggs!!! I cant believe it. Dr Chen was pleased and worried, she didnt want me to be hyper stimulated, but she also thinks this is our best chance at making a baby. All my faith lies with God and Dr. Chen. I hope we will meet soon and all my hopes, dreams and aspirations come true when I read that clear blue stick. Untill then fingers and toes crossed.

-Mama

06-25-2013

Its been quite awhile since I have updated. Probably because t stresses me to dwell on our pregnancy failures, but mostly because its too hard to speak about it for me personally. We are in the process on continuing to try and make you, it has been quite the journey. I will try and be patient, however you'll soon know that's not me at all. So until next update, we haven't forgotten about you, were still working very meticulously, and also very quietly.



xoxo,
Mama

CD 5

Well, we are right back into all the crazy medications and emotional rollercoasters again. I really need to stop reading so much, I find that if I submerge myself in the failure, that becomes an option in my head and I dont want that to exist in our trials. So far on these meds i feel nothing. Hopefully a good thing? Perhaps this medication is more mild, and I just had a bad reaction with clomid. We are on tamoxifen, and I have two shots of bravelle, starting tonight. Sat we see Dr. Chen and see where everything stands. Keep your finger and toesies crossed little one, we are on a mission to get you created!

15 days post iui

BFN
Am I disappointed? of course I cant help that feeling, I feel like I let your mommy down the most, and memaw, and everyone else. I cant tell you how bad I wanted this, and how discouraged I feel at some points during the day. I promise I am going to keep praying and doing my best, to prepare for our next try. I know that within time, and with plenty of prayers and patience, I will meet you someday.

9 DPO

Well Today is day 9, or 8ish since we had 2 back to back IUI. What have I been feeling so far? Well I've been so focused on trying to force myself to be neutral that in my head most of the time I feel nothing. Some light cramping, more like twinges, they are intermittent. At first I was starving, now I get nauseous at the drop of a pin, it's not that I have morning sickness, it's just that i get that watery mouth, the urge to puke a lot easier than ever before. Could this be from the post nasal drip im currently having because Mommy likes to sleep with the window open? Probably. I sent your mom out for some saliditos yesterday, she then proceeded to bring me the wrong thing TWICE, even tho she knew exactly what I was talking about. Sometimes I wonder where her mind wanders lol. Anywho, I thought once we got into our second week, that there would be some downhill effect, but nope, the days are actually passing even slower. I am a bit tired today, and although i've been sleeping well, i frequently wake up at like 3 for about 20 mins and drift back off to sleep. Ive been having really weird dreams, I rarely dream or remember them, but I am starting to wake up with resonance of them! Unfortunately they're like crazy action movies or scary nightmares lol. I have been craving things I used to hate, but as far as eating weird things, im no stranger to that. Im staying optimistically, yet cautiously positive, and I just hope when I pee on that stick all the prayers and hope and dreams of you will finally come true. Words cant describe how grateful to God we will be, and we swear every night we will never let you down. You will be raised right by the Lord, with morals, and love within blended families, and you will be the best kid ever I just know it. Mommy and I love you so much, please be implanting!


-Mamma

Coincidence? I think not

Just when I get discouraged, God has the BEST ways of keeping me going. I can't be more grateful for each of these moments.

6 days post IUI

It's even six days and I feel...nothing. I try I not over analyze any cramps or odd hormones, weird smells or emotions. This is so very hard, but I pray to God everyday and ask him for the strength and patience to see this all through. Day by day, were downhill from here.