Thursday, February 28, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Impatiently patient.
We are inching closer and closer and I cannot help but be so incredibly nervous and mostly excited, or trying to be anyway. Memaw says that my polyps will be gone when we go check them out on Wednesday, and let me tell you baby, I hope so bad that she is right. Mommy and I have been so busy, I study all the time, and mommy works hard for you every single day with her two jobs. I have been going to acupuncture, and it's nice and relaxing. I am just hoping all goes well after wed, and if not, well I just hope we can stay on track and start trying for you the beginning of April. I think about you every single day, and I look at your donors picture every day as well. I see those cute little dimples and that precious smile, and I forget for a moment how terrified I am that I may never get to meet you. I know that is such a negative thing to say, but I have never been so fearful in my entire life, I suppose it will only get worse once we have you in our arms. I know it is about God's will, and his plan. I know his plan is greater than any plan we have ever had, I know that although I would love to wake up and be on my timeline everyday, I know we are not, and especially with you my little precious. All I know is that you will be worth every single ounce of work. Every night that I have stayed up terrified that I wont be well enough to try for you, scared that I may disappoint your mommy if i cant be well enough to grow you. I get really stressed out because I love you and need you so much. How can a person need someone that doesn't even exist yet? I know you re probably wondering about this. You know I wish I could explain it to you, the yearning my soul feels every time I think about you. You know I have never been fearful in my entire life. The only thing I have mildly worried about is failure, and perhaps I have never met such immense amounts of failure since I have been trying for you. I am not good and not being able to be better or do better, and when it comes to your damn house, I just can fix it and convince myself that it should repair itself. I feel like I have worked so hard, and I have ached in my soul through every bone and every fiber of my body each time that something went wrong, because I just want to be your mama. I just want to hold you and love you and teach you and I want you to know your mommy and love her the way I do because shes gonna be your best friend just like she is mine. I want you to know your memaw and your papa bear, and grandma and grandpa. I just need God to give me the CHANCE. I promise I wont screw it up, I promise to be good to you in every way possible, and I am trying to be virtuous about being patient but gosh darn it, it is so difficult most days. I will try my very very best not to be discouraged.
Well, onto happier thoughts. Your mommy and I have been thinking of names and heres what we have come up with so far.
Mommy: Boy: Oliver, Joaquin, Sam Girl: Charlotte
Mamma: Boy: Mateo, Oliver Girl: Zooey, Charolotte, Frankie, Sophia, Ava
I guess im planning on you being a girl.... and mommy is crazy for wanting to name you after our puppy, but thats just her favorite name in the whole wide world. Im sure as soon as I see you or feel you, I will know exactly what im gonna call you. I love you so much. I will be back soon
Well, onto happier thoughts. Your mommy and I have been thinking of names and heres what we have come up with so far.
Mommy: Boy: Oliver, Joaquin, Sam Girl: Charlotte
Mamma: Boy: Mateo, Oliver Girl: Zooey, Charolotte, Frankie, Sophia, Ava
I guess im planning on you being a girl.... and mommy is crazy for wanting to name you after our puppy, but thats just her favorite name in the whole wide world. Im sure as soon as I see you or feel you, I will know exactly what im gonna call you. I love you so much. I will be back soon
Monday, February 11, 2013
Meet your close family..
Lets now talk about all the people who are gonna drown you in kisses as soon as they meet you. We will start with my side, when I talk about me i'll call myself Mamma, and when I talk about your other mom I'll call her Mommy, that's how we will differentiate until you give us your own names ok?
Ok Mamma's Side:
MeMaw: This is my mom, she is so smart and so beautiful and so scary. She calls herself the dragon lady, and she calls me and your auntie dragon babies. She is the strongest woman I know and she laughs funny. She has dimples just like your (dad/donor). She cooks really delicious, and is an amazing host! She opens up her doors to everyone and is so loving and welcoming. She puts everyone before her, and has sacrificed so much to make me and your auntie into who we are today. She likes dancing, and crown royal, and LOVES puppies, and animals in general. She likes being in the sun and around family, and rockabilly music, she LOVES sweets, playing video games with papaw, and buying bootleg movies from the mexican guy from superior. She cant wait to hold you and spoil you, she has already started telling people about you.
Auntie Devyn: She is my only sister, and she is a Navy Sailor! Can you believe that she is going to see the world? She is an old soul, and LOVES animals, in fact she has a farm at memaws house. She has a bunny named besito, a turtle which isnt named, she had lots of bugs but they died, she also had a few fish too. She dances funny, and has dimples just like memaw. She likes to eat taco bell, and have red bull and hot cheetos. She is SO smart and knows so much about computers, she can probably build one. She is really really good at video games, and she hates cleaning lol. Her and I have so many funny stories to tell you, and she is probably gonna tell you I was mean to her when I was little but dont believe all that.
PaPaw: This is my poppa bear. This was memaws first love. Your papaw is the most happiest person you will ever meet! He is so smart he can take apart a whole car and put it back together! He is a mechanic, and he can also weld things together. He likes riding motorcycles, and drawing, and dragcars, and he LOVES kumi. He has the best laugh you will ever hear and the BEST bear hugs that will squeeze you so hard you'll fart. He is so good at video games, and he wins at all the board games and he is SO funny. He will love you so much he has such a rare quality of loving his family unconditionally, and he is the glue between all of us. He makes killer chili verde, salsa, and he hates all sauces that are white. His mom is also the nicest lady you will ever meet! She will bring you cupcakes and buy you awesome pajamas.
Papa Jim: This is my grandpa. He has a pokey mustache, and I bet he will be afraid to hold you. He is such a hard worker, and he is my best friend. He has a funny laugh and always sniffles because he has allergies. He is the most generous man I have ever met, and he likes elephants!
Great Grandma Ida: She already loves you. She talks about you all the time and cant wait to hug you. She is very tall and has crazy big blonde hair. She is VERY loud and yells a lot, most words you're not supposed to repeat so i'm just warning you now. She makes the BEST potatoes, spaghetti, pot roast, and buttered bread in the whole wide world. You will love her very much and she will ALWAYS confuse your name, and talk to you in baby talk even when you're old, that's just her way of loving you :).
You have lots of cousins and aunts from this side, but these are just the few that you will probably be closest to.
Mommys side:
Grandma: She is so so so tiny just like your mommy. She is one of the BEST cooks that has ever cooked. She has a really really funny laugh, and she is so caring and so generous, and so excited to meet you! She is a really fast learner, and every time I go to her house and cook for her she learns my recipes in a snap! She likes to sit down and talk with us whenever we go over, and she loves babies!
Grandpa: He is a very very very quiet man. He LOVES cars, and he can also take apart and build a whole car! He also likes sports, especially soccer. Did you know he played soccer just like mamma? In fact he coaches my team! He doesn't yell much which is a good thing :). He has a funny mustache too. He really likes having the lawn nice and neat, so when I go over hes gardening alot. He is also very handy and even built a part of his house, and likes fixing it all up.
Auntie Clarissa: She is the most talented artist! She makes all kinds of beautiful cakes and cupcakes and even snacks and chocolates. She has the most addicting laugh ever. She has such a good sense of humor and is such a good sport. She is the tallest our of your aunts, and she is very pretty. She has her degree from cal poly and is extremely smart! She is one of those people who are pretty much good at everything. She is so excited to meet you, and she comes over all the time and asks about you :).
Auntie Natalie: She is kind of quiet too until you get to know her. She is extremely smart, and witty. She plays on my soccer team. She is very very talented and has a good eye for decorating and photography. She even designed your grandpa and grandmas bathroom all by herself. She wants to be an interior designer, and she is very talented and dedicated to her studies. She is an excellent drink maker, and likes lots of fruit. She also LOVES candy of all kinds, so I bet you will like that about her.
Uncle Chris: He is very very very loud, and has a funny nose. He likes to wear checkered jackets, and LOVES taking cars apart, but he's not so great at putting them back together. He is your only uncle, and I hope by the time you are born, he will be able to be around you and love you.
Now let me introduce you to all your brothers and sisters:
Joaquin: He is a white poodle, and he is going to be around you alot. He likes to cuddle with me every single night and he is so so so so smart. Mommy gave him anxiety so he crys a lot, but he always poops outside!
Tootsie: She is a butthead, and she smells like a dirty mop. She has a very short attention span and always almost trips great grandma Ida, that's who she is usually yelling at. She is smart when she wants to be, but more than anything she loves food. She is black and white and fat so she looks like a cow.
Kumi: is papaws favorite, and she is a princess. She likes to sleep on her back like a human and she has a lip like popeye. She also likes to kill small animals and eat weird things, but thats just part of her genetics as a terrier.
Hana: is a snapper, she likes to bite ankles, and shes the only puppy who doesnt have stinky breath. She is a good protector, and a good snuggler. She likes when you scratch her because shes always itchy and she likes to nibble you if you get her favorite scratch spots.
Ziggy: Likes to pee everywhere and he is scared of EVERYTHING, even his own farts. He likes to eat only one kibble at a time, and has giant eyeballs. He's not very smart.
Cingun: Is a scary monster, she looks really creepy, and she likes to watch people get dressed. She has no teeth and shes bald everywhere except her head and her feet. Sometimes they call her baby angel.
Baloo: Speaks only chineese and only likes asians, shes very nice and sweet.
Meelo: is WILD he will pee on your shoes if you talk to him before his bathroom breaks, he gets really excited and he is Joaquins son.
Dali: Is meelos mom and Joaquins wife. She is a small poodle and she likes to eat cinguns poop.
Cotorro Feo: Is very very loud and used to wake mommy and I up when we slept over in san dimas.
Henry: Likes only Natalie, and he scratches everyone else.
Ok Mamma's Side:
MeMaw: This is my mom, she is so smart and so beautiful and so scary. She calls herself the dragon lady, and she calls me and your auntie dragon babies. She is the strongest woman I know and she laughs funny. She has dimples just like your (dad/donor). She cooks really delicious, and is an amazing host! She opens up her doors to everyone and is so loving and welcoming. She puts everyone before her, and has sacrificed so much to make me and your auntie into who we are today. She likes dancing, and crown royal, and LOVES puppies, and animals in general. She likes being in the sun and around family, and rockabilly music, she LOVES sweets, playing video games with papaw, and buying bootleg movies from the mexican guy from superior. She cant wait to hold you and spoil you, she has already started telling people about you.
Auntie Devyn: She is my only sister, and she is a Navy Sailor! Can you believe that she is going to see the world? She is an old soul, and LOVES animals, in fact she has a farm at memaws house. She has a bunny named besito, a turtle which isnt named, she had lots of bugs but they died, she also had a few fish too. She dances funny, and has dimples just like memaw. She likes to eat taco bell, and have red bull and hot cheetos. She is SO smart and knows so much about computers, she can probably build one. She is really really good at video games, and she hates cleaning lol. Her and I have so many funny stories to tell you, and she is probably gonna tell you I was mean to her when I was little but dont believe all that.
PaPaw: This is my poppa bear. This was memaws first love. Your papaw is the most happiest person you will ever meet! He is so smart he can take apart a whole car and put it back together! He is a mechanic, and he can also weld things together. He likes riding motorcycles, and drawing, and dragcars, and he LOVES kumi. He has the best laugh you will ever hear and the BEST bear hugs that will squeeze you so hard you'll fart. He is so good at video games, and he wins at all the board games and he is SO funny. He will love you so much he has such a rare quality of loving his family unconditionally, and he is the glue between all of us. He makes killer chili verde, salsa, and he hates all sauces that are white. His mom is also the nicest lady you will ever meet! She will bring you cupcakes and buy you awesome pajamas.
Papa Jim: This is my grandpa. He has a pokey mustache, and I bet he will be afraid to hold you. He is such a hard worker, and he is my best friend. He has a funny laugh and always sniffles because he has allergies. He is the most generous man I have ever met, and he likes elephants!
Great Grandma Ida: She already loves you. She talks about you all the time and cant wait to hug you. She is very tall and has crazy big blonde hair. She is VERY loud and yells a lot, most words you're not supposed to repeat so i'm just warning you now. She makes the BEST potatoes, spaghetti, pot roast, and buttered bread in the whole wide world. You will love her very much and she will ALWAYS confuse your name, and talk to you in baby talk even when you're old, that's just her way of loving you :).
You have lots of cousins and aunts from this side, but these are just the few that you will probably be closest to.
Mommys side:
Grandma: She is so so so tiny just like your mommy. She is one of the BEST cooks that has ever cooked. She has a really really funny laugh, and she is so caring and so generous, and so excited to meet you! She is a really fast learner, and every time I go to her house and cook for her she learns my recipes in a snap! She likes to sit down and talk with us whenever we go over, and she loves babies!
Grandpa: He is a very very very quiet man. He LOVES cars, and he can also take apart and build a whole car! He also likes sports, especially soccer. Did you know he played soccer just like mamma? In fact he coaches my team! He doesn't yell much which is a good thing :). He has a funny mustache too. He really likes having the lawn nice and neat, so when I go over hes gardening alot. He is also very handy and even built a part of his house, and likes fixing it all up.
Auntie Clarissa: She is the most talented artist! She makes all kinds of beautiful cakes and cupcakes and even snacks and chocolates. She has the most addicting laugh ever. She has such a good sense of humor and is such a good sport. She is the tallest our of your aunts, and she is very pretty. She has her degree from cal poly and is extremely smart! She is one of those people who are pretty much good at everything. She is so excited to meet you, and she comes over all the time and asks about you :).
Auntie Natalie: She is kind of quiet too until you get to know her. She is extremely smart, and witty. She plays on my soccer team. She is very very talented and has a good eye for decorating and photography. She even designed your grandpa and grandmas bathroom all by herself. She wants to be an interior designer, and she is very talented and dedicated to her studies. She is an excellent drink maker, and likes lots of fruit. She also LOVES candy of all kinds, so I bet you will like that about her.
Uncle Chris: He is very very very loud, and has a funny nose. He likes to wear checkered jackets, and LOVES taking cars apart, but he's not so great at putting them back together. He is your only uncle, and I hope by the time you are born, he will be able to be around you and love you.
Now let me introduce you to all your brothers and sisters:
Joaquin: He is a white poodle, and he is going to be around you alot. He likes to cuddle with me every single night and he is so so so so smart. Mommy gave him anxiety so he crys a lot, but he always poops outside!
Tootsie: She is a butthead, and she smells like a dirty mop. She has a very short attention span and always almost trips great grandma Ida, that's who she is usually yelling at. She is smart when she wants to be, but more than anything she loves food. She is black and white and fat so she looks like a cow.
Kumi: is papaws favorite, and she is a princess. She likes to sleep on her back like a human and she has a lip like popeye. She also likes to kill small animals and eat weird things, but thats just part of her genetics as a terrier.
Hana: is a snapper, she likes to bite ankles, and shes the only puppy who doesnt have stinky breath. She is a good protector, and a good snuggler. She likes when you scratch her because shes always itchy and she likes to nibble you if you get her favorite scratch spots.
Ziggy: Likes to pee everywhere and he is scared of EVERYTHING, even his own farts. He likes to eat only one kibble at a time, and has giant eyeballs. He's not very smart.
Cingun: Is a scary monster, she looks really creepy, and she likes to watch people get dressed. She has no teeth and shes bald everywhere except her head and her feet. Sometimes they call her baby angel.
Baloo: Speaks only chineese and only likes asians, shes very nice and sweet.
Meelo: is WILD he will pee on your shoes if you talk to him before his bathroom breaks, he gets really excited and he is Joaquins son.
Dali: Is meelos mom and Joaquins wife. She is a small poodle and she likes to eat cinguns poop.
Cotorro Feo: Is very very loud and used to wake mommy and I up when we slept over in san dimas.
Henry: Likes only Natalie, and he scratches everyone else.
An Introduction
Dear Baby,
This is your mommy, everyone calls me Nikki, but whatever you call me im sure, will be my new name. You also have another mommy her name is Andrea, I call her my baby love, or mi amor, or even mamma, her family calls her yeya, and your great grandma, Ida calls her little one. We have decided that we love you already, no matter if you are short, if you are tall, if you are wide or if you are small, if your eyes are brown, if you are grouchy, if you decide you like to be nocturnal, or vomit violently just like your grandma (memaw cat) said I did when I was little, we will still love you to the end of the earth. Let me tell you how our journey has been so far. You started as a wild idea, your mommy and I met in college, and she sat behind me for 2 months before I even knew she existed. After a few months of nursing school together, we became friends and fell in love. Of course it wasn't that simple, but when you are old enough to understand we will go into detail about that. Your mommy and I have been together for over 4 years, ad we just got married on January 25th 2012. We went to our first appointment with Dr. Chen, and when I got my first ultrasound, your mommy got excited when she saw you as a little egg. After much emotion, and happiness we took some blood tests, and had to come back for another ultrasound. They told me that I would have to take some medicine to clear up some mushroom growing in my house, so I did, and they make me very sick in the morning, but I know it will all be worth it. Dr. Chen has to do a surgery on me so that way we can make sure we can get you made. This has been quite a process right? Well life is a journey, and will always continue to be so. I on top of this am going to school full time to make sure that I can always have the dream you want answered. I want to always be a good example for you, and I want you to always have whatever your heart desires. Your mommy has already graduated school, she has be bachelors for one of the most prestigious school in California! Are you so proud of her? I know I am, I have a video of her graduating, so when you are older I will show you how excited we all are. Everyone is so excited to meet you, and you have so much family who is already in love with you. So please please please help me help myself and your other mommy to create you. I promise to always do right by you, and to love you unconditionally and your mommy and I will teach you about good music, and puppies, and science, and the earth and how to love people and your life. We are going to try and conceive you at the end of march, or perhaps the first week of April. Words cant describe how excited and nervous we are. We love you so much. And we pray for you all the time. Below you will find things that you may be able to relate to one day.
Mommy Andrea:
She likes: Ray Lamontagne, Brandie Carlile, Poodles, Pizza, Decorating, Ikea, Cooking, Gardening, Chili, her family, Salvador Dali, Kadinski, Fancy things, Netflix, Portlandia, Watching TV, Cold showers, Frye boots, Sweater cardigans, The colors green, maroon, and mustard yellow, She likes big framed glasses, science, Michael Jackson, True Blood, Hogging the blankets, All animals, Morroccan oil, taking her time, and being stubborn.
She Dislikes: raw onions, mayonnaise, pickles, coconut, any fruits with seeds, bossy people, mean people, people who don't like animals, having hangovers, driving, yelling, liars, strawberry flavored things or the fruit itself, being late, not planning ahead, the lady she works for, being dirty, toes, smelly farts, and when you mess up her curls.
Mommy Nikki
I like: All kinds of exotic food, sea food, I like trying new things, I like people (sometimes too easily), sleeping, being warm, hot showers, cooking, playing guitar, listening to politics on the radio, music that mommy likes, family, traveling, building things, painting, singing, being funny, telling jokes, gardening, rock climbing, being adventurous, swimming, surfing, the beach, soccer, writing, babies, our puppy, laughing, talking, and pretending to be a philosopher.
I dislike: Math, rude people, peas, failing, people who don't give 100% in everything they do, not being organized, feeling lonely, being cold, being lost, throwing up, being belittled, being sick, not being able to make things better, being ignored, doing dishes, when mommy doesn't cuddle me, crying, being mad, being wrong, being sticky, toes and being away from family.
This is your mommy, everyone calls me Nikki, but whatever you call me im sure, will be my new name. You also have another mommy her name is Andrea, I call her my baby love, or mi amor, or even mamma, her family calls her yeya, and your great grandma, Ida calls her little one. We have decided that we love you already, no matter if you are short, if you are tall, if you are wide or if you are small, if your eyes are brown, if you are grouchy, if you decide you like to be nocturnal, or vomit violently just like your grandma (memaw cat) said I did when I was little, we will still love you to the end of the earth. Let me tell you how our journey has been so far. You started as a wild idea, your mommy and I met in college, and she sat behind me for 2 months before I even knew she existed. After a few months of nursing school together, we became friends and fell in love. Of course it wasn't that simple, but when you are old enough to understand we will go into detail about that. Your mommy and I have been together for over 4 years, ad we just got married on January 25th 2012. We went to our first appointment with Dr. Chen, and when I got my first ultrasound, your mommy got excited when she saw you as a little egg. After much emotion, and happiness we took some blood tests, and had to come back for another ultrasound. They told me that I would have to take some medicine to clear up some mushroom growing in my house, so I did, and they make me very sick in the morning, but I know it will all be worth it. Dr. Chen has to do a surgery on me so that way we can make sure we can get you made. This has been quite a process right? Well life is a journey, and will always continue to be so. I on top of this am going to school full time to make sure that I can always have the dream you want answered. I want to always be a good example for you, and I want you to always have whatever your heart desires. Your mommy has already graduated school, she has be bachelors for one of the most prestigious school in California! Are you so proud of her? I know I am, I have a video of her graduating, so when you are older I will show you how excited we all are. Everyone is so excited to meet you, and you have so much family who is already in love with you. So please please please help me help myself and your other mommy to create you. I promise to always do right by you, and to love you unconditionally and your mommy and I will teach you about good music, and puppies, and science, and the earth and how to love people and your life. We are going to try and conceive you at the end of march, or perhaps the first week of April. Words cant describe how excited and nervous we are. We love you so much. And we pray for you all the time. Below you will find things that you may be able to relate to one day.
Mommy Andrea:
She likes: Ray Lamontagne, Brandie Carlile, Poodles, Pizza, Decorating, Ikea, Cooking, Gardening, Chili, her family, Salvador Dali, Kadinski, Fancy things, Netflix, Portlandia, Watching TV, Cold showers, Frye boots, Sweater cardigans, The colors green, maroon, and mustard yellow, She likes big framed glasses, science, Michael Jackson, True Blood, Hogging the blankets, All animals, Morroccan oil, taking her time, and being stubborn.
She Dislikes: raw onions, mayonnaise, pickles, coconut, any fruits with seeds, bossy people, mean people, people who don't like animals, having hangovers, driving, yelling, liars, strawberry flavored things or the fruit itself, being late, not planning ahead, the lady she works for, being dirty, toes, smelly farts, and when you mess up her curls.
Mommy Nikki
I like: All kinds of exotic food, sea food, I like trying new things, I like people (sometimes too easily), sleeping, being warm, hot showers, cooking, playing guitar, listening to politics on the radio, music that mommy likes, family, traveling, building things, painting, singing, being funny, telling jokes, gardening, rock climbing, being adventurous, swimming, surfing, the beach, soccer, writing, babies, our puppy, laughing, talking, and pretending to be a philosopher.
I dislike: Math, rude people, peas, failing, people who don't give 100% in everything they do, not being organized, feeling lonely, being cold, being lost, throwing up, being belittled, being sick, not being able to make things better, being ignored, doing dishes, when mommy doesn't cuddle me, crying, being mad, being wrong, being sticky, toes and being away from family.
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