CD 5

Well, we are right back into all the crazy medications and emotional rollercoasters again. I really need to stop reading so much, I find that if I submerge myself in the failure, that becomes an option in my head and I dont want that to exist in our trials. So far on these meds i feel nothing. Hopefully a good thing? Perhaps this medication is more mild, and I just had a bad reaction with clomid. We are on tamoxifen, and I have two shots of bravelle, starting tonight. Sat we see Dr. Chen and see where everything stands. Keep your finger and toesies crossed little one, we are on a mission to get you created!

15 days post iui

BFN
Am I disappointed? of course I cant help that feeling, I feel like I let your mommy down the most, and memaw, and everyone else. I cant tell you how bad I wanted this, and how discouraged I feel at some points during the day. I promise I am going to keep praying and doing my best, to prepare for our next try. I know that within time, and with plenty of prayers and patience, I will meet you someday.

9 DPO

Well Today is day 9, or 8ish since we had 2 back to back IUI. What have I been feeling so far? Well I've been so focused on trying to force myself to be neutral that in my head most of the time I feel nothing. Some light cramping, more like twinges, they are intermittent. At first I was starving, now I get nauseous at the drop of a pin, it's not that I have morning sickness, it's just that i get that watery mouth, the urge to puke a lot easier than ever before. Could this be from the post nasal drip im currently having because Mommy likes to sleep with the window open? Probably. I sent your mom out for some saliditos yesterday, she then proceeded to bring me the wrong thing TWICE, even tho she knew exactly what I was talking about. Sometimes I wonder where her mind wanders lol. Anywho, I thought once we got into our second week, that there would be some downhill effect, but nope, the days are actually passing even slower. I am a bit tired today, and although i've been sleeping well, i frequently wake up at like 3 for about 20 mins and drift back off to sleep. Ive been having really weird dreams, I rarely dream or remember them, but I am starting to wake up with resonance of them! Unfortunately they're like crazy action movies or scary nightmares lol. I have been craving things I used to hate, but as far as eating weird things, im no stranger to that. Im staying optimistically, yet cautiously positive, and I just hope when I pee on that stick all the prayers and hope and dreams of you will finally come true. Words cant describe how grateful to God we will be, and we swear every night we will never let you down. You will be raised right by the Lord, with morals, and love within blended families, and you will be the best kid ever I just know it. Mommy and I love you so much, please be implanting!


-Mamma

Coincidence? I think not

Just when I get discouraged, God has the BEST ways of keeping me going. I can't be more grateful for each of these moments.

6 days post IUI

It's even six days and I feel...nothing. I try I not over analyze any cramps or odd hormones, weird smells or emotions. This is so very hard, but I pray to God everyday and ask him for the strength and patience to see this all through. Day by day, were downhill from here.

2 days post IUI

Oh I must be crazy, why has my smell gotten pristine? Why does my skin look tan and wonderful why do I swear I feel pressure in my uterus? Why do I keep thinking there's a mango sized baby in there and there's probably not? Lol I think about what it's gonna feel like on April 16th testing. Or what it may feel like looking down and seeing my period. I suppose only time will tell. I'm staying very optimistic and I think I'm mis reading every tiny little detail secretly hoping I really am pregnant. What's gonna be more scary finding out I am and praying that it sticks? Or finding out I'm not? Either way I'm ready for it, as ready as I'll ever be. Your mommy is going nuts. I know she tries really hard to hide it, and she does; but she said its the longest two weeks of her life! Mine too, especially at about 3am I always wake up and think about you, then I pray so hard that you really do exist and you're not just a wish in my heart but a bean in my belly!

IUI

Well love bug, I ha two IUI this week. One yesterday and one today. Our counts were great! Yesterday 50 million and 50% motility and today 60 million and 55-60% motility. I stayed in bed ALL day yesterday and mommy didn't even let me pee for like three hours after our first IUI. I know she's silly sometimes. Now we pray our hearts out and keep our fingers crossed. Tomorrow I go in to see if my eggs dropped, I sure hope they have. I love you and I can't wait till April 16th when I test hope I don't go crazy by then!